Real Talk. All About Confusion. Let’s Get Personal.


Okay. Ready for some real talk? I speak a lot of shit on here. Half of what I say can’t be taken seriously because I douse everything I say in gasoline and set it on fire before I post it. But contrary to popular belief, I’m a real person, and I think day one of 2010 is a good time to let you know a little about myself. I give you plenty of glimpses into my life, but I’m never straightforward, and I think it’s becoming counterproductive to what I’m trying to do.

I’m in grad school getting my MBA in marketing. I spent four years studying finance and then realized there’s no way I could make that my career. I was surrounded by people who read books about Wall St. on the weekends. That wasn’t me. I’m interested in marketing, particularly digital marketing and social media, and (obviously) music. I’ve had some experience working at a major label, and I’m really hoping to end up with a job in the music industry after this year.

Want to get personal? I’m white, mostly Polish. I’ve lived in CT, Sweden, VA, FL, and NY. I grew up listening to MJ, Jimi, Bob Marley, Jimmy Cliff, Roxette, and The Beatles. I moved on to Nirvana, The Pixies, Rage, Prodigy, etc. I fell in love with hip-hop when my sister gave me a Gangstarr CD and A Tribe Called Quest CD. Best birthday presents ever. After that it was nothing but 2Pac, Eminem, Biggie, Big L, Jay-Z and the classics. I went through a couple of years when I listened to almost nothing but underground hip-hop – Atmosphere, DPD, Cage, Cannibal Ox, El-P, Aesop Rock, Living Legends, and some really obscure abstract stuff. I also went through a couple of years when I was in love with the Grateful Dead, Phish, jazz, blues, jam bands, and I switched to indie rock after that. I guess I jumped all over the place. It wasn’t until college that I realized that I loved music of all kinds, and I was done trying to find my niche. I don’t have one.

Want to get really personal? I’m very introverted. I love people but there aren’t too many people who get really close to me. I’m pretty sure I’ve got general anxiety disorder and sleep disorder. I think I’ve acquired a good business sense through my education and experience, but at heart I’m artistic and I value creativity above everything. I wish I wasn’t, but I’m extremely sensitive, and although I take on an “I don’t care” mentality a lot of the time, I usually do.

I try to keep it real and be as honest as I can in here and I’ve never said anything I haven’t meant, but I’ve always felt like I’m kind of straddling multiple worlds. Whether it be business and creativity, rock and hip-hop, or reality and trying to seem “cool” and appealing to the people who read this blog. But I think it’s important to put everything on the table and just be me. I hope that I can somehow merge all these sides of myself into one and take flight with that. Thank you all for sticking with me through this first year. As stupid as it may seem, this blog has been an important outlet and has helped me keep my sanity in a world in which I’m not sure where I fit. It means a lot to me.

Hello 2010.

  • Wufgunner

    I can relate so much. From the schooling to music to gf to anxiety. Good read. The past few months i’ve been kinda obsessed I guess you could say about making the perfect “playlist” trying to find what music is mine, what I love. I finally just realized I love everything that sounds good, and I think its just part of my wanting to create a clear self-image. Great blog man

  • Mark Twain Fame aka Tank aka Tubarello Gibens

    Hey man I’m diggin the site, been checking it daily since I randomly clicked on a banner for the site on

    I can relate like a mutha…I’m 26, white, born in Illinois but moved to St. Louis when I was 7… grew up on Lynard/CCR/classic rock from my aunts and uncles to the Temptations, Marvin Gaye, Barry White, Johnny Guitar Watson, Earth Wind & Fire/Soul & Motown classics from my mother, and my brother who listedn to MC Eight, South Central Cartel, NWA, Snoop 7 Dre, UGK, Geto Boys, Scarface, JT Tha Big Figga, DJ Mike Bass, Twista, Bone, Pac n Big, etc Then getting older I fell for NY Hip Hop Tribe, Eric B & Rakim, EPMD, Wu-Tang, Redman, Jay-Z, DMX, etc etc etc and my self exploration of Jazz & Blues. and now I’m full circle enjoying folk indie rock, blues rock, alternative rock, etc.

    Keep the blog going bro.

  • Mark Twain Fame aka Tank aka Tubarello Gibens

    and also I think u might be my long lost younger brother ha… like to the T man. GF thing 9well she’s my wife now), to job and career path, sensitive, kind of introverted but I dont mind gettin down and partying, etc etc

    Give me back my life damnit! LOL

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  • Tiana Feng

    Haha, I read this to figure out what your real name was. Aww, I know how it feels to not want a 9-5 job or anything that seems normal, and I continually chase a job that hopefully will never feel like one.

    I graduated with a Music Ed degree (cuz I thought it was the closest thing to doing something related to music) this June and was like fuck this I’m not teaching, so pursuing the real music bizz this sept in a private college/school that gets you experience boo-yah :). I’m also completely addicted to blogging, Ride the tempo is like my baby, and the other blogs I have are like outlets its nice to have random people to listen haha. I get carded for alcohol too and I’m 22 (drinking age is 19).

  • emmanuel

    hey confusion/Jacob! I loved reading this, not many bloggers post a thorough bio about themselves. What really caught me was the last bit about your GAD, and everything that comes along with it. I know how fucking draining it is to deal with it, however I’m sure that being at the more mature stage in your life that you’re at now has probably eased the anxiety a bit. Anyways, take care, keep blogging, and keep the friends and family you have close!

  • Sergio

    I think you’re cool(: and I can relate a lot to you except I realized I love all music when I was about 13 and I’m latin. Keep blogging son pigeons and planes is my favorite:D

  • John

    Hey! I checked this again and noticed that it needs to be updated for the New Year!! I Check this site everyday multiple times and am very appreciative as my music library has grown a ton since first discovering P&P! Keep it up :)

  • hazza

    Putting yourself out there when you normally don’t is cathartic.
    Reading this was so.
    Thank you.

  • Naydeen

    Your bio is great and what your blog represents. I love your creative and support on the title. the picture is amazing. Looking forward to your post.

  • HuffKing

    I like this blog more and more everyday, especially when i keep finding stuff like this that was dated in 2010…shows how real it is.

  • Mic Raygun

    Your honesty meant a lot to me. Reading that statement gave me a lot of respect for you, and I’ve never met you. It’s like truth is so easy to express that we trick ourselves to believe it’s impossible to let out. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, it made this stranger feel better about being an artist instead of something that would be terribly miserable to wake up to everyday.

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