Open Mic #4: Sorority Girl Swag


Here’s the fourth installment of the Open Mic series, a series that allows readers to submit articles (read more here) to be posted, unedited, on Pigeons and Planes. You can read all of them by clicking the “open mic” category (under the post title), or by clicking here. I’ll try to put one up every week or so from now on. The latest is from Ally, a sorority girl from the Midwest.

Read on for the article…

Sorority Girl Swag

When you live in a house of 75 sorority girls, it’s easy to lose your swag. Last time I checked, Vera Bradley bags are not “dope” and Ralph Lauren polos are not “dank.” While I love my sorority and all that it entails, I refuse to fall into the stereotypical preppy sorority girl grind. My taste and preference in music obviously has a lot to do with this. The following are my secret weapons… the methods I use to cope with living in sorority house. It’s the way in which I ensure my swag will never be lost. If you too are concerned with the well-being of your swag, are wearing Greek letters, or perhaps you’re shot-gunning a beer right this very second… pay close attention and follow by my example.

Sometimes you just gotta wear kicks

Stilletos. Pumps. Peep-toes. Slingbacks…all acceptable “going out” footwear if you’re a sorority girl on your typical college campus. But high heels present a few problems, as you can imagine. The worst is that it’s nearly impossible to dance when you have 4-inch needles sticking out of your feet. Sometimes this is OK, but every now and then (this is where I turn my swag on), you just gotta wear kicks. It’s true, I have a closet full of high heels as big as the next sorority girl’s, but I don’t like any of them as much as I love my one pair of hot pink, black and yellow Nike high tops. When I wear these, it’s straight to the dance floor and straight swaggin’ all night. Plus, the number of people you teach to Dougie is just ridiculous.

Create your own club

Living in a sorority house, it’s literally impossible to throw a party. Thus, it’s nearly impossible to blast the great music that you wanna party to. I’ve managed to overcome this obstacle, however, by dubbing (haha…) the bathroom on my floor, The Dubstep Dungeon. Yes. It’s as great as it sounds. Around 8 P.M. on any given weekend night, you can find me and all my friends getting ready together in the Dungeon with the filthiest, grimiest dubstep tracks you can find, echoing off the tile walls. Yes, it took everyone a little time to get used to me blaring such invasive music while we shower, but now they thank me. Rusko, Skrillex, Bassnectar and Zed’s Dead have become common Sorority-household names thanks to moi. Swag on sistas.

Look hot in headphones

For a sorority girl, a walk through campus can be like a walk down the runway… maybe an overstatement, but still, it’s your chance to see and be seen so your opportunities for swag are endless. For me, it’s important to wear headphones. At all times. Visibly noticeable headphones at that. The bigger the better. Also, when people stop to talk to me (I’m walking alone of course…too much swag for anyone else to handle) I only take one headphone out, that way it’s like…oh, hey I guess I’ll talk to you, but this music I’m listening to is really fucking important too…And bonus! The person that’s talking to me can hear what I’m listening to….Oh you like J. Cole? Uhh, yeah. Duh. Oh shit, you’re on that new Wiz Khalifa? Hellooo, like a month ago.

So that right there was my sorority girl swag. Hope ya’ll enjoyed it, hope I didn’t offend too many sorority girls, and I hope your swag went up a couple notches after reading this.

Swag on.

  • Noah

    I wish the fellow greeks on my campus were this chill.

  • Brian

    if you don’t mind me asking…what college do you go too? i happen to be a frat guy also in the midwest

  • 2sense

    dubstep dungeon…
    you win!

  • Lydia – Sunset in the Rearview

    Ha, this is me in a nutshell.

  • The Prof

    *dreamy sigh*

  • JT Jones

    Lol, if only, if only. Stay one hunad my dear! Keep swaggin’.

  • jw blue

    you should be ashamed confusion. ugh.

  • Krista

    right on, girl. I sure wish you would have gone to my school. You’d be the only sorority girl I would have tolerated.

  • Midas

    hey ally, let’s date.

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  • Kelli

    i dated a sorority girl and she was not this swag. go ally. dubstep dungeon just sounds dope.. nice piece!

  • bass

    Man, why can’t I meet sorority chicks more like this at my school?

  • Chris

    Why do I feel like I just read cosmo?

  • Steve

    Wait, you’re kidding me, right? This is one of the most pretentious articles I’ve read in a long time. I’m sorry this got submitted.

  • #BASED

    shut up steve did the based god fuck your bitch?

  • Nathan S.

    control+f “swag”
    your search returned 11 results.

    11 times in ~300 words? You are a disgrace to humanity. Also, just because you wear regular shoes and listen to mainstream dubstep doesn’t make you special. I have four or five girl friends who are just like you.

  • Confusion

    Nathan S. you’ve got some good points.

    But talking shit to a sorority girl via a comment on a blog? For what? Because you thought she wasn’t cool enough to feel special? Being different from the rest of her sorority wasn’t good enough? She also has to compete with your group of friends, which includes four or five girls who are “just like her.”

    I’m glad her 300 words for a blog has painted a clear enough picture of exactly “what she’s like” that you can so quickly and accurately throw her into a pile with a bunch of other girls who are just like her. Psh, using the word “swag”? Liking mainstream dubstep? And seeming to feel a little too special because she wears normal shoes? What a DISGRACE TO HUMANITY. God, I hope your comment gets through to her so she can either:

    A. Get Cooler
    B. Feel less cool

    If this one blog comment of yours could make one of those two things happen, I think you’ve made this world a better place. It’s so good that there are people like you to put these motherfuckers in check. Nathan & the Cool Police, here to put all you basic ass people in place, one blog comment at a time.

    Dropping the “I control + f’ed your post” thing in there diminished any credibility that you might of had from the jump.

    I don’t even really disagree with what you said that strongly. I just wanted to stick up for the sorority girl, because she seemed like a nice girl and was really happy to have her post published. Give her the benefit of the doubt, even if she does say “swag” too much.

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