10 Things Lana Del Rey Could Do To Stop The Hate

posted by on January 18, 2012 in Features, Lists

lana knife 10 Things Lana Del Rey Could Do To Stop The Hate

1. Murder someone

Let’s just get this one out of the way. Murder is a game-changer. It always has been. Once a homicide is committed, the petty things seem to disintegrate. Plus, murder has that “wow” factor that makes for great headlines. Who cares about an awkward performance when there is blood to be spoken of, right? It doesn’t even matter who is the victim, but may we suggest Brian Williams?

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  • http://isaacbuckley.bandcamp.com thedopeness

    great article. diddy’s still a joke though.

  • mt

    Diddy is still a joke and Lana still can’t sing live.

  • P. Warrick

    I make it a tick to visit this website a few times per day. It’s my orange juice if you will. This article was garbage. Not in defense of Lana Del Ray, I just didn’t enjoy reading it. Felt like I was reading a high schooler’s paper. A high schooler who was always a couple weeks behind with the whole lesson plan. Keep up the good work with the rest of this site, this one you can shelve for me. Can’t win em all.

  • Sara

    Loved the creativity, Lana should hire you for some PR stat.

  • http://www.aboveandbeyondmag.com Matt

    I’ve been out of the game for awhile, but you definitely got better since last time I checked this blog mang !

    keep up the good work.

  • Confusion

    @P. Warrick I didn’t enjoy your comment at all. Sometimes, I like to read comments. It’s like a fun little conversation. Yours however, felt like watching a hate crime. Ugly stuff.

  • Leroy

    Loved it. Lana Del Rey is fire, I’d be nervous on SNL too.

  • PancakeMcKennz

    She should reveal the secret of time travel.

    I mean, she’s obviously come from the 1960s and her time machine malfunctioned so now she’s stuck in this decade. In order to raise the amount of money needed to purchase the amount of raw lead her machine’s engine needs to ski along the 4th dimension, she’s tried to become a pop star.

    Now, I don’t know about you, but we need to help this poor soul. She’s obviously frightened by all the people screaming “swag” and “f*** SOPA” and taking vintage photos with instagram on their iPhones. That’s why she was nervous on SNL. Wouldn’t you be if a bunch of technology like HD cameras were shoved in your face?

    Buy her records to help her get the lead so she can get back home.

  • kancouver

    haha fuck warrick, really. articles like these are why i, and i’m sure most others continue to return to your site

  • Snob

    This I’d the best piece I’ve read I’m a long time confusion…brilliant…really man just dope

  • henri

    I didn’t think her SNL performance was terrible. It was a little boring but definitely not the worst in history like so many people were saying.

  • Noory

    This was actually a good read. Some people just dislike anything associated with LDR. It’s stupid but I can’t say it’s wrong because I do the same thing for Justin Bieber.

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  • http://beforebigs.com Zach

    I find nothing enjoyable about Lana Del Ray’s music and SNL made a big mistake inviting her onto the show. Confusion, I lost respect in you for actually defending her SNL performance, that’s a true way to judge an artist and to put any positive light in that awful performance is ridiculous.

    By the way, Lana Del Ray’s lips are fake, her millionaire father put tons of money into her marketing efforts and she’s only released 2 songs! Why did SNL invite her onto the show.

  • DOOM

    Expected “Learn to sing” – still satisfied though.

  • KuKu

    This was a fun post. I agree with henri. Yeah, her voice was kind of off during her performances and she appeared stiff but I think that it is still better than trying to lip-sync and then trying doing the ho-down after you screwed up.

  • Noory

    @zach how the heck does one late night performance on a tv show tell you whether an artist is good or bad?! that’s stupid! If Kanye West had a crappy performance on the show you wouldn’t automatically think he’s a bad musician, would you?!

    She makes good music, she has released more than ”just two songs”, and she’s got a decent amount of buzz about her. The better question is why wouldn’t SNL have her on.

  • Jumi

    I really liked #1. She’s definitely got #10 on lock though. I’ve heard a handful of tracks off the LP and each of them have blown me away. She definitely has an indie flavor, but her hip-hop and alternative influences seal the deal for me. Plus, her voice is angelic.

  • Confusion

    @Zach: A television performance by a newly famous artist, on SNL of all places, is the “true way to judge an artist”? She’s human. She’s not used to being in the spotlight and it was weird for her to be singing on SNL. I’m not really defending the performance itself, just saying that I’m okay with her being awkward and missing notes. It’s understandable to me. If I made a hit song and you put me on TV, I’d probably throw up on myself, yell into the camera, and maybe faint.

    And I don’t care about Lana Del Rey’s father. Not at all. And any major label artist has a huge marketing budget. The only problem is that Lana’s marketing targets an audience that doesn’t like to be marketed to. Target the people that like Rihanna, Katy Perry, Rick Ross, and it’s all good. Target the indie crowd and there’s this huge backlash. This is a crowd that likes to “discover” artists for themselves. I think that’s Lana’s biggest problem.

  • http://www.soundcloud.com/andrepayup Andre (PayUp)

    I didn’t really know any of this stuff about her, so I enjoyed the read. And P. Warrick is a douche.

  • http://www.pigeonsandplanes.com Monster

    Hello My Name Is… Not Monster.

  • jam

    I think she should just fake her own death. And continue to drop “unreleased” material. Not only will she be immortalized like pac forever, she wouldn’t have to do any more live performances. It’s a win-win situation for everybody.

  • Confusion

    @jam That is an excellent idea. Faking death is pretty much always a good call, IMO

  • R&B 4 LIFE…

    Hilarious piece! But honestly things are much tougher for new acts that have to develop in a blog culture of haters. I’m not a huge fan of hers, but I wish her the best

  • http://youngblackjesus.tumblr.com Hemingway’s Arm

    Yeah, marketing into the indie scene is a great way to ruin yourself. Being both a musician, and someone whose music taste and style gets him called a hipster occasionally, I can attest that trying to jump into this scene by marketing prowess is not successful. I can say when I watched Video Games, I felt like I was watching someone mock hipster culture, and that would be kind of ill. But she was being sincere and that turned me off the idea of her. Yes, I know that’s expected of me. And then I kept finding out more very white privilege-y things about her, and I knew it was going downhill. I just really think once her album comes out, and some of the buzz about her cosmetic surgery and botched SNL debut wears off she can have a decent career. Whoever did her marketing should of shot less indie Lady Gaga, and let her be herself a bit more. I feel like that’s very important. This is all my opinion though. To clarify, I realize that marketing is important in all facets, I meant she should of marketed herself, instead of an image. Nah’mean?

  • http://ajcrew.com A.J. Crew

    Hmmm… I think people are over-exaggerating a bit with the performances being “horrendous”, “terrible”, or “the worst performance in SNL history”… clearly, that title goes to Ashlee Simpson.

    Lana has talent. She’s really good. So what if she didn’t do as good what people were expecting? No biggie. She’ll have plenty of other opportunities.

    On top of that, we all are talking about her now, aren’t we? Extreme hate is better than extreme indifference. Word.

    A.J.

  • http://www.vertigoshtick.com Vertigo Shtick

    I’ll be interested to see how well she manages to pull this off… i.e. whether her career goes more along the Ke$ha path or the Natalia Kills.

  • http://mostlyjunkfood.com jamarcus garvey

    this site is my orange juice as well.

    this is some of your best photoshop/paint work yet

  • great 8

    I think she should pose neckid (in an artistic manner of course)

  • CK

    I agree with great 8 and jam. This is a good article. I especially enjoyed the scat remark. I think the thing P. Warrick doesn’t understand is that P&P has fun articles (like this one) that aren’t meant to be taken seriously and then P&P has serious articles. If you thought this was a serious article and you thought Con was ACTUALLY suggesting that Lana do any/all of these things (except #10) then I’m sorry, but you have a low IQ.

    @mt: Yes, based off one performance (that I would argue was perfectly fine, but difference of opinion and all that), Lana sucks live. Have judging other people based off of one thing they do!

    @Zach: I give exactly zero fucks about her fake lips or her millionaire father that put tons of $ into her marketing efforts. If you wished to judge her on her artistic ability, then you wouldn’t care either. BTW, she has more than 2 songs, just because you’re too lazy to find the other ones doesn’t mean she didn’t make more.

  • Detrick

    #11 Sing better live
    #12 Make better music to sing live (she makes headphone music, she should broaden her lane a bit)
    #13 Chill w/ the botox
    #14 Start on Jimmy Fallon or Kimmel, you know? Warm up to SNL. I guess the Jools performance got to her management’s head?
    #15 Murder would work, prison as well or a sex tape.

  • Enervantes

    I like the comments better than the post, he.

  • Velma

    I was disappointed the suggestions were jokes. And I only found a couple of them funny (FACE TAT! Brilliant!) Anyway, yeah, no more silicone and get used to being on stage.

  • http://www.youtube.com/user/bbyrckstr?feature=mhee B-Boy Rock-Star

    @ great 8

    I couldn’t agree more… !!! Would you like to start a petition… J/K, LOL ???

  • http://don'thaveone Deb

    WTF is wrong with people???? Horrid and “Mean” come to mind. Lana is a great singer. I would vomit if I had to peform live, she was nervous ok. She may never get it together to perform well live, (not everyone can) but I hope she still releases more music. So what if she has rich family !!!! so did Sean Lennon, Kelly Osbourne and many others. Good on them. She changed her name (well lets just burn her alive)and doesn’t look “natural”!!! like Lady Gag Ga does, her real name would not have suited her image either.Or Kiss, who are great and bombed when then they went “unmasked”.What should they have been called,?? The Gene, Paul etc Band??. It is all part of image. That is what she chose!! She looks cool like Nancy Sinatra. Leave her alone!! and get over yourselves.
    Go Lana Del Ray!!!!!! I love the whole CD. Take no notice of the tossers out there, you will have many fans.

  • Alexander Morales

    @Zack & @P.Warrick seem like the only people who get music. Lana needs to be treated to reality and needs to know her music isn’t good. People who listen to (and I quote @Confusion) “Rihanna, Katy Perry, Rick Ross” probably think Lana is the best thing in indie right now, which proves that everyone who is giving her good reviews on here might possibly be listening to. American Apparel should sponsor her and maybe she’ll tour with Smith Westerns, then they’ll actually kill her, cause they’re crazy. I get saddened that someone as you, Confusion, can respect her music. How lame. After the 2nd suggestion I was done, and started reading comments. But the comments supported Lana, so I went back and hoped that death was an opportunity so technically @Jam has a very good idea. As long as I don’t have to hear my LADY GAGA LOVING FRIENDS TALK ABOUT HOW AWESOME LANA DEL REY IS.

    Only thing good to come from this is Llama del Rey.

    PS I even gave the Born Die to mix tape with Notorious BIG a chance… nope.

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  • http://soundcloud.com/jaungmyint miliefisathand

    I wholeheartedly support her going hiphop.
    not that Im suggesting she change. shes always had that vibe in her music. that preview track with her and asap rocky is bangin. her slightly evil and entirely sexy energy will send sparks down the hiphop world.

    she should do more asap rocky collabs. perhaps she may benefit mutually from working with Freddie Gibbs. better Lana than that 2 bit hasbin young jeezy.

  • Gabes

    This would make everyone hate her even more :( and if she goes hip hop I will hate her too

  • Kate

    Seriously I’d have to say people are getting confused on what real music is. I mean I love Lana Del Ray and she makes real music. Newsflash idiots – NOT ALL ARTISTS KNOW HOW TO SING LIVE. I just watched Jimmy Fallon yesterday and saw Neon Hitch’s performance, it wasn’t her best but that doesn’t make her a bad artist. I mean have anyone of you people actually sit down and listened to Lana’s album? Seeing one live performance that didn’t show her best doesn’t give anyone the right to discredit her as a musician.

  • Temp

    Are people really still that immature to comment on why they dont like a singer when they are not qualified to do so?

    1. Only a certain ‘type’ of singer/artist is bothered about hitting all the right notes, other types are more concerend with the music being full of emotion. It is simple ridiculous to start comparing different artists because all have different goals.

    2. Detrick- Have you actually heard her live? She sounds exactly the same if not better, the reason that she sometimes sounds off is due to nerves, generally if people like somebodies music they dont give a shit about a few notes being off, its not like entire vocals have been enchanced and sound totally different live.
    She got on SNL, do you know anything about music management? obviously she was happy with the idea or wouldnt of done it.

    3. There will always be haters, haters need to realise though that they are not winning their mission of de throning an artist, talking about them in a negative way gains them more interest than talking positively about them does.

    4. A very large majority of artists have alter egos, all singers display some form of this, its a biological coping mechanism as its in your every instinct to not stand in front of a crowd of people and draw attention to yourself. Another point is that many are also involved in the performing arts as actors and actress’s, models are also actors. Acting is all part of performing. So saying somebody is ‘fake’ no, they are all part of the same thing, nobody can ever be 100% fake

    5. I personally think its very refreshing to have somebody with her exposure who is very raw and emotive, it makes a change from everything being very de sensitised.

  • Josh Kelsall

    This article is a load of crap. Who cares if people don’t like her? I think she is great because she has a unique voice and musical style that whether fake or not, is at least different than other commercial pop artists. Also, she actually sings with genuine emotion which people just pass off as depressing because they prefer the superficial bollocks that mostly dominates the pop world.

    Also, she doesn’t (like so many artists) use autotune and this gives a certain rawness to her performances that makes it more human and relatable. It gives for a memorable performance whether good or bad, unlike most singers who are too preocupied singing to backing tapes, using autotune and putting on a big show.

  • noto

    I think people hate her because she isn’t trying to get everyone to love her by following the rules of what is cool(every “cool” band dresses the same and doesn’t upset the apple cart). Don’t you think she knows that women are not going to like her Lolita teen prostitute character who is into getting the chokehold from her neck tattooed boyfriend while she looks better than most of us ever have in our wildest dreams? She’s not dumb she went to Fordham for metaphysics-sorry catty jealous types. I think she’s screwing with us intentionally and pushing our buttons. The “National Anthem” trailer video- that’s a good song and she’s totally holding a mirror up to our society which makes people uncomfortable. I think she is bad ass and I think she is way more daring than any pop star. I never thought Madonna was really breaking the rules for what a woman “should” be-I always thought she was just another chick getting naked.I think Lana has more cojones than Madonna- you never saw her pretending to be a teen hooker in her videos. And another thing about rich kids trying to be down and out- hello how many DC punk bands who mimic homeless people were rich kids? Ian Macaye comes from mad money but you don’t see anyone questioning his fame. Its a shame how people care more about the kind of outfit you wear than what you have to say.

  • http://www.facebook.com/isakechaos Isake Stark

    Maybe she should try to not lie and then people would like her. Im not even talking about the name changes or plastic surgery who gives a fuck. Im talking about acting likes shes some poor soul who grew up in a trailer park, when her father is one of the biggest names in the domain name industry. Also she writes music like Brick from the movie Anchorman. Just naming shit in a room. You in a white shirt me wearing blue jeans, I love lamp.

  • josh

    clearly i don’t know anything about her. what about really get to know other songs? her lyrics are great, and what’s bad about writing songs with hollywood/50′s/60′s classic influence? or you rather other ~hipsters~ the black keys/arcade fire/bla bla bla lyrics? so much clever, of course.
    and come on, acting like a poor soul? where? most of her lyrics are about love, her music videos/photoshoots always look very luxurious, her attitude, I just don’t get your comment

    btw, born to die has sold about 3 millions, lots of sold out on the paradise tour, if that’s a ‘hated’ artist..

  • Deathbringer

    Listen up . Lana del rey is freggg
    In awesome. Stop hatin on people. You’ll never get to her level so enjoy you missirable life and let her be

  • TK

    Her voice sucks. That’s why I don’t like her.

  • DocHobso

    One thing she can do is stop writing! She does some pretty decent covers, but her music is way too all over the place. Her song National Anthem makes me wonder if she’s republican, or making fun of republicans? Does she love God, or does she not get along with God like she claims in Gods and Monsters? Since she is still writing, I think writing for movies was a great career move for her, because she was starting to get stuck with the preteen crowd, who I really don’t think should listen to her considering she sings about drug abuse, SUICIDE, and daddy issues in a glamorous way. Hopefully an older audience can appreciate her, now that she’s a classy film music writer and not just a whiney, contrived popstar. I think if anything, upping the classiness and keeping the Lolita shit in check will help a lot. Also, making damn sure her real beliefs aren’t hidden in a bunch of ridiculous irony. It makes her too hipster to appreciate.

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