Things You Need To Bring To A Music Festival

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It’s been a while since we’ve had a guest post, so here’s a submission from Jess G., who shares some misguiding tips on what you’ll need at a music festival. Jess explains: “I’ve been going to at least five festivals every year for the past ten years, so I know what I’m talking about. I’ve had good experiences and bad ones, and over the years I’ve developed a great idea of what it takes to make the festival experience a positive one. I thought your readers might find this helpful. Here is my list of things you need to bring to a music festival.”

By Jess G.


Clearly, you’ll need drugs. There’s just no getting around it. People will try to tell you that music festivals are fun without drugs, but these people are liars, and their idea of “fun” probably has to do with just “enjoying the weather,” like that’s a real thing. These people bob their heads to music as methodically as girls who can’t orgasm fuck. Sick, twisted people who relate to Family Matters more than Intervention, going through their lives so far from the edge that they just float in the middle of nothingness. Pointless lives, they lead, and don’t led them misguide you. Surely, you’ll need drugs.

Click “next” or hit shift + right for the rest of the list…

  • modi

    this was incredible. just sent it to my coachella thread (we in there 2nd week, holler at us). let’s get it.

  • A.J. Crew

    I love how it says on Slide 8, “Ideas of random things: Magnifying glass” and that’s it. HAHAHA. Great list. Some of these I never would have thought to bring like vitamins and an annoying friend lol.

  • Brandon

    Best list P&P has ever posted.. Best useful advice: don’t buy Toms deodorant or mouthwash

  • kancouver

    “Whittling (Sounds lame, but when you’re sitting around a campsite high as shit and you start whittling, people will be impressed.)”
    That cracked me up. I really want it to be summer now so i can go use these tips

  • Charlie Hilton

    Haha – dope.

  • Confusion

    Enjoy your festivals!

  • Shaw


    i feel like i know 4-5 people who could have easily written this.

  • InsaneBatmayne

    #10 Cash… for drugs. LoL!!!

    I like the word instafriend.

  • Steve C

    Bring an umbrella too – put it up in the crowd and then people know where to aim their bottles of stuff-that-might-be-beer-but-probably-isn’t

  • Zoxxan

    This was just awesome, hire this guy! (maybe, I don’t know, if you wnat to)

  • jb

    The bit about the dog with the blanket made me crease, awesome article!

  • Antoine

    Good post.
    I just find it a bit sad that this article sounds too much like a typical P&P post. I you guys have a guest post, let it be a bit more “different”…

  • j

    liked everything except number 1. I think saying drugs is a necessity is complete bullshit… but there is not much i can say given the context. I’m sure everyone reading this comment is assuming I am sitting at my computer bobbing my head methodically to the ‘friends’ theme tune.

  • Don T

    I cant be the only one that this was kinda lame..

  • theBroKing

    @Don t

    i agree. whoever wrote this completely ripped off the humour and the styl of writing from the P&P bloggers. on top of swag jacking i just didnt think this was all that funny.

  • Scribs

    The author of this article is trying WAY too hard to be funny. You’re seriously going to bring a weapon as your 7th item? Sounds like the only way YOU have fun is drugs, which is pathetic to be honest. Festivals should be about the music, the atmosphere, the people, the togetherness, the fun, the escaping of societal norms, shit-ANYTHING you want it to be about really, but it’s not just some other show where you HAVE to have drugs for every set. Make it special, and remember your time spent. Sure, drugs are an enhancer and I’m not saying GO SOBER, but the way you went about wording it is ridiculous to be honest. What about things to share with people, items for FUN, things to use in the night-time? You want to bring a person you don’t like? Seriously? Dude you’re at a festival to have the time of your life and spend it with people you enjoy, and also to enjoy meeting new friendly faces; you shouldn’t be anticipating having moments of anger, or you’re definitely with the wrong people, or maybe YOU’RE even in the wrong mindset to be attending festivals. If you’re trying to be “cool” like this author suggests (bringing a magnifying glass with the sole purpose of being “king” or stabbing a porta-potty door) please DON’T go to any music festivals. In fact, just stay at home and go to your local club and act like a tool there. This article is clearly for the BRO’s that don’t belong at music festivals, the guidos who show up and play shirtless beer pong all festival long, who roll too hard and end up starting mosh pits with each other to pop-electronic music. Blankets for handjobs? Wow what a tool, probably my first and last time using p&p to look at anything if this is the mentality of what is published. Shocked that anyone found this funny to be honest.

  • Jamie

    I laughed a good amount! Well done!

  • KJ

    like this but never buy drugs AT the festival its always way too sketchy it could end up being bath salts or some shit and then ur like, “oh shit im on bath salts i better eat my friend’s face now” and its gonna suck

  • JBVI

    @KJ lol RT!

    At the same time festivals aren’t about drugs and are really about the people you came to see perform. If you surround yourself with good people you will always have a good time

  • Sheister

    You’re kind of dumb….there’s more to life than getting wasted.

    Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been there, done that…. but then you realize that you miss out on ALL the music because you just remember how it made you feel…. and not how the music made you feel, but how the drugs made you feel. Drugs are such a runaway from yourself.

    So while you’re coming down and chewing a hole through the side of your face, I’ll be “mad” dancing without any drugs while people gawk and think, “What’s this girl on?”

  • Modellista

    Hmm. A festival with druggy, stabby, arsonists? Tell me where you’re going and remind me to go somewhere else.

    All you need for a good festival:

    Hip flask of decent single malt whisky (for emergencies – never get stone sober at a festival)
    Rolling tobacco and paraphenalia (you’re not a real smoker if you can’t roll, and even if you don’t smoke you might wish you had something to give the hot chick that asks you for one)
    Don’t bother with a lighter (always a conversation starter to ask for a light)
    I agree with the money thing though (always go with twice as much money as you think you need. You can always bring it back.)
    Hat (protection against sun and rain. And it looks cool, doesn’t matter what it is. Yorkshire flat cap severely low-value Kelvin.)
    For UK readers only – Wellington boots.

    That’s all you need. You can sleep in someone else’s tent, drink water from a standpipe and have a great time with no worries. And if you really *need* drugs they always turn up.

  • Trillbau

    This was hilarious. And a lot of truth to it.. Standouts were the multiple pairs of sunglasses, blankets.. Don’t know if I agree with needing a knife, especially with how enthusiastic he/she was about drugs ha

  • Eep

    With items like cash and drugs being high on the list, and such an obvious survival necessity as water being on it as well, one would think contraception would be mentioned as well. But I suppose that’s the world we live in today…

  • Jonny

    Cleary not been made by a veteran festival goer.. anyone whose been to more than say 10 festivals will rate toilet paper above all else (yes drugs, drink and money included). After the first day of any crazy festival having your own supply of toilet paper can open all sorts of doors for you. . .

  • GG

    I couldn’t have said it any better, thank you! :)

  • inthecrowd

    For the most part, this is a god-awful article. I’ve gone to just about the same volume of festivals as the author, and to be honest, he is probably exactly the type of douche bag I hate to see at festivals.

  • Crunch

    You don’t need drugs, of course. But I’ll be damned if they don’t make for a better time

  • everythingisawsome

    every ones just gonna be stoned if every one can take drugs so id go somewhere elts

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