Sufjan Stevens Writes an Open Letter to Miley Cyrus

Sinead O’Connor wrote an open letter to Miley Cyrus, and it apparently inspired Sufjan Stevens to follow suit, but as with most things, he’s doing it his own way. Instead of condemning her for her recent behavior, Sufjan takes on a very different tone. He starts off with some grammar lessons, then offers a bit of praise, calling her the queen and the “hottest cake in the pan” before closing things out with the ominous line: “Live brightly before your fire fades into total darkness.” Read the full letter below:

Dear Miley. I can’t stop listening to #GetItRight (great song, great message, great body), but maybe you need a quick grammar lesson. One particular line causes concern: “I been laying in this bed all night long.” Miley, technically speaking, you’ve been LYING, not LAYING, an irregular verb form that should only be used when there’s an object, i.e. “I been laying my tired booty on this bed all night long.” Whatever. I’m not the best lyricist, but you know what I mean. #Get It Right The Next Time. But don’t worry, even Faulkner messed it up. We all make mistakes, and surely this isn’t your worst misdemeanor. But also, Miley, did you know the tense here is also totally wrong. Surely you’ve heard of Present Perfect Continuous Tense (I HAVE BEEN LYING in this bed all night long [hopefully getting some beauty sleep?]). It’s a weird, equivocal, almost purgatorial tense, not quite present, not quite past, not quite here, not quite there. Somewhere in between. I feel that way all the time. It kind of sucks. But I have a feeling your “present perfect continuous” involves a lot more excitement than mine. Anyway, doesn’t that also sum up your career right now? Present. Perfect. Continuous. And Tense. Intense? Girl, you work it like Mike Tyson. Miley, I love you because you’re the Queen, grammatically and anatomically speaking. And you’re the hottest cake in the pan. Don’t ever grow old. Live brightly before your fire fades into total darkness. XXOO Sufjan

(sufjan.com)

  • disqus_gz7n6pY3tf

    What a pointless letter. Could’ve done so much more with it.

  • larae_is_bored

    perfectly written, he obviosuly has a thing for her. probably what I would have done if i were somewhat famous. he was definitely flirting, or at least trying to.

  • Sus (Pronounced Sooz)

    Idts

  • Comma

    “Live brightly before your fire fades into total darkness.”

    Interesting choice to end on after a flattering letter.

  • Devin Middleton

    Artists are really into notes these days.