Surely, you’re familiar with rap squats. They’re basically the new planking or Tebowing. Maybe you’ve even done a few of them, crouched down with hands closed and centered at the tip of the nose miming a prayer. Perhaps you’ve dug deep and rap squatted like a visionary—with a plant on your head or while perched like an owl on a table at Taco Bell flashing the middle finger at the camera. As stated in this intensive analysis at Noisey, the origin of rap squats can be traced back to prison in the form of the prison pose. Prisoners began to take photographs crouched down sans a smile in an effort to look menacing, hard, and undeniably cool. The prison pose eventually permeated into hip-hop culture.
Taking photographs of the rap squat pose and sharing them through social media is what all of the young, Internet-intensive kids are doing right now. Which means it will not last too long. The cycle of trends requires the trendsetters to abandon said trend as it becomes more popular.
Where do we even go from here, when the rap squat is no more? Irony must live on, so when the The Lonely Island of Internet memes ceases to be cool, something new will have to replace it. Don’t worry for one moment because here are a few suggestions for real life memes, trends, and ways of life to fill the void of the rap squat a.k.a. prison pose.
1. The mug shot selfie
The mug shot selfie is a force to be reckoned with. This is done by taking a self-portrait from the chest up of both the front and side of your body to replicate a mug shot. These are best done in a disheveled manner. Think drunk, but an optimal mug shot selfie is taken with bloodshot eyes and chapped lips while hungover because you need everybody to be well aware that you had a very good time last night. To cap it all off, if you’re really about that mug shot selfie life, hold a slate that displays your twitter handle and a rap quote.
2. Ramen noodle bartering
Before there was money there was bartering. This holds true for human beings as a collective species on planet Earth and you as a person. As a kid, you bartered objects for other objects or even services. Life was a lot simpler in the days of trading a holographic Pokemon card for ice cream and tater tots. Let’s go back to that. Trade cigarettes with your roommates for control of the TV. Exchange toilet paper for a beer at a party. Hell, you might even luck out if your landlord is in on this one and trade something for rent. The stakes might be higher here though. You might have to part ways with Apple products.
3. Shanks by Supreme
It is very crucial that you earn this shank by making it yourself because artisanal shanks are the most cool of shanks. Look around and think about what you have that could be morphed into a discrete weapon used from protection or assertion of power. The obvious choices are plastic forks or pens. But, you can make a shank out of chocolate or toilet paper. Creativity is king. After fashioning your shank obtain a Supreme box logo sticker and place it on the handle of your shank. An alternative is acquiring a very rare original Supreme shank, but they cannot be purchased. The only way to get one is by bartering.
4. Prison chic
As Kanye West once said it’s “illegal to be naked.” That’s why fashion is very important. Some of the hottest looks for your future are black and white zebra striped clothing and all orange everything threads. For a maximum contemporary style go vintage with an all denim look. A good example of this attire can be seen in The Shawshank Redemption. Shoes are also a very integral part of an outfit. For your kick game go with a no-name brand laceless shoe, otherwise known as bobos.
5. Start a gang
If you’re in a gang, then you’ll have a family of people who have backdoor if a sticky situation arises. You can either found your own gang or join one that piques your interests because of their colors, parties, networking opportunities, et cetera. Be aware that managing a gang is a bunch of work and on the flip side in order to join most gangs one must be initiated. Usually, initiations into gangs involve murdering a person or getting the shit beat out of you. But, hopefully we can keep it light. Eating a pound of black jelly beans or being forced to watch all of the Twilight movies in one sitting seems like an adequate display of commitment.
6. Homemade tattoos
If you’ve hopped on the gang trend, you’ll want to have your insignia on your body. The best places for your gang insignia are the neck, bicep, and chest. Otherwise, tattoos can be used to commemorate a life event, person, or rap lyric. In order to make a homemade tattoo gun, creativity is a must. Word on the street is a Playstation controller can be used to build one. Also, Google is a very helpful tool.
7. Fistfights in new environments
When you’re walking into a new situation around people you don’t know, you’re basically fresh meat. Nobody knows you, so they might think you’re weak. Getting hired for a new job? This is especially important. As soon as somebody tries to test you, challenge them to a fight. Winning isn’t all that important—just let it be known that you’re not weak. You don’t want to seem weak. People will take advantage of you and your job will feel like a prison.
8. Carry stuff in your butt
It’s the new pocket. The new purse. Your butt. You can carry things extra secretly now and that is absolutely perfect. But be careful, once you embrace the carry-stuff-in-your-butt trend, you absolutely can’t go back to rap squatting.
9. Riot Vines/Instagram videos, #riotvid
Riots are a nice way to create a distraction or just have some good ol’ fashioned fun. This can be done by entering a public place and starting a full fledged riot while innocuously screaming “Worldstar.” Catch your riot on video and post it to Twitter, Instagram and Vine with #riotvid. A #riotvid can be used to create a distraction (maybe you have to use your Supreme shank on somebody) or to garner some Internet love. The choice is yours.