For some reason, everyone thinks they can beatbox. I always thought it was because you can’t really hear what you’re doing while you’re doing it. Like, sometimes a burst of air will queef out between my tongue and my cheek while I’m chewing on some food, and to me, it sounds incredibly loud and cool, like some new sound that I didn’t even know I could make. But this type of ignorance to the sounds someone makes with their own mouth doesn’t explain the beatboxing thing, because if you go on YouTube you can see so many horrible beatboxers. They must play their own videos, so they must know what they sound like. Still, they upload. Here are the 10 worst beatboxers we could find on YouTube.
Click “Next” or hit Shift+Right to see the videos
This guy was terrible from the start. For the first 30 seconds, most of his “beatboxing” sounds like a little kid playing with action figures and trying to make shooting sounds. Kids suck at doing that, no guns make that stupid “phsoo” sound. Then around the 0:36 mark, you start to get worried for the guy. Is he okay? Is there some kind of medical situation happening here? Am I about to watch someone die on YouTube?
Most embarrassing part: The whole thing
The only thing worse about listening to this kid beatbox is the anxious feeling you get by watching his nervous eyes dart all over the room while he tries to perfect the coveted “humming a weak ass melody under your breath while you also do drum sounds” move. At this point, doing that move is about as impressive as being able to roll your tongue or bend your thumb down to your arm. It’s not even as impressive as juggling.
He uploaded the video with a message saying, “I’ve never filmed myself beatboxing before, and decided to try. This is an absolutely HORRIBLE recording of myself trying! I didn’t take it seriously, i was very tired and bored.” The message is the YouTube comment equivalent of a girl coming out in her hottest outfit and being like, “I look TERRIBLE.” Except nobody is ever going to correct this kid’s remark by showering him with flattery, because his remark was correct, and this is horrible.
Most embarrassing part: 1:09
Oh no, he’s back. This time, he’s on a toilet? I guess he thought the bathroom had good acoustics, which may be true, but lots of horrible noises happen in bathrooms, and the acoustics can’t make them all sound pretty.
Can’t get enough of this kid? Watch him publicly humiliate himself at a talent show.
Most embarrassing part: 1:23 & 3:16
What the fuck? The noises coming out of this kid definitely aren’t beatboxing, but there’s potential somewhere in there. Maybe for rodent imitations? This kid needs to settle down before he fucks around and breaks into a fit of choking. Sounds like he almost did at the end there.
Most embarrassing part: 0:05
Top comment: No comments left
At first, this guy actually sounds like he might have some skill, but then you realize he’s pounding the desk to make the beat while his mouth just handles the “ts-ts-ts-ts-ts-ts” of the hi-hats. Chalk it up to nerves; it was his first YouTube video upload, as he explains at the beginning. And at least he’s trying, right?
Not to be a dreamkiller, but a piece of advice that will make your life a lot more rewarding: if you’re terrible at something and you don’t get any better with practice, stop trying. Quit. Focus your attention elsewhere, because doing stuff you’re terrible at is no way to live a life.
Most embarrassing part: The intro, The outro
This boy’s dog apparently hates when he beatboxes. So does the rest of the world. Normally, a barking dog is one of the most annoying sounds in the world, but as I watched this, I thought, “Shut up kid, that dog is trying to say something.”
Most embarrassing part: 0:25, when he resorts to pounding
There’s something inherently funny about beatboxing when you’re not good at it. This guy just ruined that. Titled “BAD BEAT BOX… LOL,” we get that this guy is joking, but part of the humor of being a bad beatboxer is the effort you put into it. The humor lies in the struggle. There’s nothing funny about intentionally carrying out a bad beatbox, and watching a guy spray spit all over his hands isn’t a good time.
Most embarrassing part: The DJ Khaled shoutout at the end
One of the only things in the world worse than beatboxing is scatting. I can understand how that stuff might have been cool back in the ’20s, there is no excuse to be doing it today. This “beatboxer” seems to have the idea of beatboxes and scatting all jumbled up. Instead of making a beat, he decides to go with some atrocious hybrid of scat+beatbox. It reminds me of why I hate both.
Most embarrassing part: The “bllring ding ding ding” part