With Valentine’s Day coming up, you can expect to see a lot of V-Day themed mixtapes, ranging from the serious ones with corny spins on the 808s and Heartbreak cover to the angry “Fuck Valentines Day!” ones from the guys who will be creeping at the strip club all weekend. I’m not going to post any of those, but I did want to give you some theme music for the holiday, so here’s a mixtape that keeps it classy and should suffice. From DJ Hotpoint:

If you’re going to be rubbing genitals on Valentines Day (or indeed any other day) and your respective partner(s) is(are) worthy enough to warrant background music, myself & DJ Cable must insist that your lusty sountrack of choice is our new mixtape ‘Heavy Petting’.

Every year dozens of Valentines mixes come out and whilst some are ok, we’ve put this together on the understanding that it’s the perfect love making (daggering/fingering/making out) accompaniment from start to finish. It’s a meeting of classic slow jams and Hip Hop & RnB ballads which have been proven (by science) to make you 27% more fertile so if you’re doing it for fun rather than to become parents (slash get a council flat), we have been advised (again by scientists) that you should between you don at least 3 forms of contraception.

DJ Cable and DJ Hotpoint – Heavy Petting (Mixtape)

Tracklisting:
01. Busta Rhymes Feat. Janet Jackson – What’s It Gonna Be?!
02. Aaliyah – One In A Million
03. Usher – Nice & Slow
04. Shai – If I Ever Fall In Love
05. Ginuwine – In Those Jeans
06. Jodeci – Freak N’ You
07. K-Ci & Jo Jo – Tell Me It’s Real
08. Silk – Freak Me
09. iMX – First Time
10. Pretty Ricky – Grind With Me
11. Wayne Marshall – G Spot
12. Ludacris Feat. Raphael Saadiq – Splash Waterfalls (Remix)
13. Donell Jones – Shorty (Got Her Eyes On Me)
14. John Legend Feat. Estelle – No Other Love
15. Marvin Gaye – Let’s Get It On
16. Bobby Caldwell – What You Won’t Do For Love
17. Isley Brothers – Between The Sheets
18. D’Angelo – Lady
19. 112 – Cupid
20. Case Feat. Foxy Brown – Touch Me, Tease Me
21. Whitehead Bros. – Forget I Was A G
22. Jazzy Jeff Feat. Erro – Rock Wit U
23. Marcus Miller – Much Too Much
24. Mary Jane Girls – All Night Long
25. LL Cool J – Doin’ It
26. Bonus Track!

Note: Please don’t expect any intricate dj trickery on this mix because this is a sex cd, not a DMC entry. Whilst Benga’s 26 Basslines would have no doubt sounded epic double-dropped over Shai’s If I Ever, it might have thrown some (not me, obv) off their sexual rhythm. If you want that good ish, book Cable & myself for your raves. Simples.