Unfortunately, the Pigeons & Planes team was wayyyy too busy to attend MTV’s Video Music Awards this year. Instead, we watched from home and emailed each other about what we hated and what we loved while we ate and drank like gluttonous slobs. When we judge the VMAs, there is no in between—it’s all cheers and jeers. Here’s what we thought, unedited and straight from the emails.

Hit “next” or click the images to read on…

EDM

Khal: MTV having an EDM video category is a cheer in my biased opinion.

Confusion: Hell yeah EDM category is big.

FRANK OCEAN

Khal: I’d say Frank Ocean’s performance was a cheer.

A$AP ROCKY & RIHANNA

Jon: ASAP Rocky surprising Rihanna with a kiss – cheer.

Jon: Rihanna rocking the Caribbean accent hella hard – cheer.

Joyce: I’m driving right now so I have no idea what’s going on, but I saw a screen cap of ASAP (I think) grabbing Rihanna’s ass – cheer.

Monster: Rihanna’s been doing this super provocative vagina vogue dance a lot lately- cheer.

DRAKE’S SPEECH

Jon: Even though Drake rambled, I was kinda down with it. He means well (half cheer?).

Confusion: I fuck with Drake’s speech too. cmonnnn he’s corny but it’s a necessary counterpart to the “I’m so hard, I am a drug kingpin, plus all the bitches love me forever” stuff.

GABBY DOUGLAS

Confusion: Gabby doing gymnastics on stage – cheer.

Jon: OH DAMN HAVING GABBY DOUGLAS DURING THE PERFORMANCE BIG CHEER.

WIZ KHALIFA & AMBER ROSE

Confusion: Wiz & Amber having a baby and looking all happy, can’t hate on that.

MISCELLANEOUS

Confusion: 2 Chainz sitting on the skateboard and rolling across stage – cheer (I LOLed).

Jon: Calvin Harris playing TNGHT – cheer.

Jon: Roasted artichoke I just ate – cheer.

Joyce: Cheer for Jon’s roasted artichoke. Mmm.

TAYLOR SWIFT

Jon: Taylor Swift rockin’ the Where’s Waldo sweater – cheer.

Monster: Taylor Swift in booty shorts, kind of a cheer. She’s actually starting to grow up a bit and I like that. Also, every chick on the planet already knows and likes that song, even though it sorta sucks it’s still going to blow up.

Hit “next” of shift+right to see the jeers…

DRAKE’S SPEECH

Khal: Drake’s speech was a jeer.

TAYLOR SWIFT

Jon: Taylor Swift’s new song – jeer.

Confusion: Taylor Swift’s performance looks like a fucking Old Navy commercial.

2 CHAINZ & LIL WAYNE

Confusion: Lil Wayne lip syncing for the first half of the performance – jeer.

Jon: 2 Chainz’s song choice – jeer.

ONE DIRECTION

Jon: One Direction’s stiff bullshit performance – jeer.

Confusion: One Direction winning anything ever – jeer.

Monster: I didn’t get a chance to catch most of tonight’s show. Turned it on when One Direction won BNA. Jeer the shit out of that.

KEVIN HART

Jon: Kevin Hart flailing as host – jeer.

Khal: Yeah wtf is Kevin Hart doing?!?! Underwhelming.

MISCELLANEOUS

Jon: Everything Young Money was wearing – jeer.

Confusion: Kanye not being present – jeer.

Joyce: MIA’s “Bad Girls” lost? Jeeeeeer.

Confusion: No big indie rock surprises – jeer.

Jon: General lack of “Rooster in My Rari” at the VMAs – jeer.