Justin Bieber has had some legal troubles in the past (allegedly impregnating a woman, etc.), but none of the cases were quite like what this Michigan man is claiming. According to NME, the man, who claims to be Selena Gomez’s father, is filing a lawsuit against Bieber, which contains a number of ridiculous allegations against Bieber and others. The most amazing allegations include:

  • Justin Bieber stealing the Michigan man’s credit card and using it for a penis enlargement surgery
  • Usher sodomizing the man with a stick of lit firework while playing Katy Perry’s “Firework”
  • Bieber owing the man $426.78, originally used for abortion fees because Bieber “got [his] daughter Selena pregnant in [his] bedroom, on [his] canadian bear rug”

Selena’s “dad” is also accusing Bieber of purchasing cocaine for him and Diddy, and cheating on Gomez with Rihanna, Penelope Cruz, and Ke$ha. As describing these allegations probably isn’t doing the lawsuit justice, read an excerpt from it below.

“Bieber has cost me $426.78 and never paid me back. This money was used as abortion money because Justin Bieber got my daughter Selena pregnant in my bedroom, on my canadian bear rug… Usher Raymond came to my house on the forth of july 2012 and sodomized me with a firework and lit it inside my anal area while blaring kate perry [sic] firework song in my ear drums… [Bieber] gave selena a std and Bieber stole my credit card to buy him and sean p-ditty [sic] combs cocaine to use in drug free school zones… Bieber also got a penis enlargement with my stolen american express card.