“I get fucked up, let’s keep it real,” Mac Miller says in a new 12-minute documentary, Stopped Making Excuses. “I get super fucked up, still, all the time. That will never stop. But I’m in control of my life. I’m not fucked up right now. I’m chillin.”

The Pittsburgh rapper invited The FADER along as he settled in to his first apartment in New York City (with his two cats) after recently moving from Los Angeles. In the clip, Mac touches on the beginning of his career and the privileges of being a white rapper before getting in to the “toxic” relationship he developed with drugs while living in LA.

“It started by me just sitting inside all day. Then you get bored. Then you’re like, ‘well, I could just be high and have a whole adventure in this room,'” Miller reveals. “It kind of fucks you up when you have a bunch of money because if you try a drug and like it, you can buy a lot of it. I went through about everything.”

Watch Stopped Making Excuses above. The piece features music from Miller’s latest album, GO:OD AM, which you can stream here.

Related: Listen to Mac Miller Flip Billy Joel’s “Vienna”