One of the perks of being an on/off insomniac is that I often hop out of bed with a vicious drive to do something. Sometimes it’s drawing, sometimes it’s writing, sometimes it’s making music, sometimes it’s a false alarm and I just have to piss. Tonight, I will blog. Being in the blog game for a little while now, I’ve been thinking about the different types of music blogs out there and why people read them. Here’s the breakdown I’ve come up with. (No names, no shots.)

The blogs that give you what you want before you even know it exists:

These are the sites that post up that future hit song that’s going to be on the radio in 2 months. By the time the song is on the radio, the links won’t work, but you learn that if you go to these blogs and grab that shit while it’s hot, you’ll always have the music everyone else is scouring the internets for when it starts getting spins. These blogs are notorious for tagging their music, running with cyber crews and blog posses, and Twittering things such as “We run this!” like DJ Khaled on a MacBook. But you can’t be mad. They do run it. Whatever it is.

The blogs that you perceive as cooler than you:

You know the type. They post music you’ve never heard of, and talk about it like it’s the fucking Beatles. Then they give your favorite album a 3/10. You hate them, but with their slick talk, industry connections, and flawless sense of style, they usually win. Most people don’t actually like the music that these blogs post, but they try really, really hard to understand why it has value. Because it must have value if it’s posted at (insert the blog name that comes to mind here).

The shady blogs/blogs you might find in a dark alley:

These ones are hard to come across, and I still haven’t figured them out, but I rely heavily on them in times of need. I’m talking about the blogs that post whatever they want with reckless abandon and never get called out. When the new (insert name of world wide superstar) album leaks, and every other blog has the songs taken down within days, these guys have the whole album up for download with no problem. They could post the iTunes top 10 and get away with it. These fuckers usually go hand in hand with tacky designs, mispelled words/grammatical errors, oversized graphics, spam, and horrible titles.

The parrot blogs:

Parrot blogs usually sit on the shoulder of their favorite big time blog, wait for them to speak, and then repeat. They usually don’t really understand what they are blogging about, and they have nothing new or interesting to offer, but if you don’t know any better you might get fooled into paying attention.

The mock culture blogs:

Every update on these blogs is dedicated to poking fun at the subject of each post. Sometimes it’s hard to tell whether or not the blogger behind this funny business actually even likes what he/she/it is posting about, but they always seem to have an abundance of information on the topic. Even when they are strictly focused on music, they always tie everything together with an underlying theme of cultural reflection. These blogs can be extremely entertaining to read, but they can also leave a sour taste in your mouth. If blogs were movies, these guys would be the mockumentaries that first-timers watch and always ask “Wait, is this real?”

I’m sure I’m overlooking a few of the usual suspects, so I may have to continue this later, but these are some of the obvious ones that I’ve come to know and love/hate. I’m still trying to figure out where Pigeons and Planes fits in amongst the madness. I’d like to think I haven’t pigeonholed myself quite yet.