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    Happy Tears

    A new scientific study shows that crying improves health and leads to a longer life. The world makes a push to cry more, but things get taken too far. Within a couple of years everyone on the planet is depressed. At a world conference, 10 weepy scientists sit and debate what they should do. With little choice but to suggest crying less and living shorter lives, they were left even more depressed.

    Just as the conference wraps up, a black Escalade pulls up. Drake steps out, pushes open the conference door, looks around the room with his kind, wide-set eyes, and says in a soft, friendly tone: "Guys, you're forgetting something: happy tears."