• 2

    Your significant other hates you

    It's 1:38 AM, and you're in bed with your significant other. After a passionate love-making session, you quickly scroll through your Twitter feed. "Shit," you think to yourself. Drake just dropped a new song, and because you want all of the views, you need to get on that, and fast. "Sorry, babe," you coyly say to your lover as you hop out of bed, "but Drake just let one loose; gotta blog." The rest of the conversation, without fail, goes a little bit like this:

    "But it's 1:38 in the morning, and you're in bed with me. Are you kidding?" "Drake just dropped a new one. How do you not understand the importance of this?" "Because it's ONE IN THE MORNING. Do it tomorrow." "Um, no. You don't get it. The earlier we publish, the more views we get." "Whatever. Do what you need to do, you loser."

    Your significant other lays back down, on their side, with their back towards you. "Fuck 'em," you think. "Who needs love when you've got pageviews?"