Dranks on dranks on dranks and loud music allows nights, and hell even days, to spiral out of control much too often. Weekend-long festivals can compound some of the worst decision making into the shortest period of time, can mar the musical experience you've been looking forward to for weeks. Don't worry, we're here to give you a look into your future at Lollapalooza this weekend with a step-by-step path that predicts the situations you'll find yourself in—and how to deal with them. Nobody wants to be that inebriated idiot separated from friends and hallucinating in a heatstroke 400 people deep in the screaming crowd of an artist they hate.
So let's plan ahead: Pretend it's Friday, the first day of Lollapalooza. If you stick to our map, you might even make it to the festival grounds for the first set of the day—and that's perfectly okay! It's noon on Friday, you're not at work, (Thank You Based God!) as you walk through the gates you're immediately doused in ADD and energy and must instantly choose where to begin your adventure. If you feel like easing into the crazy weekend, perhaps a nice subdued indie rock boy band, continue to Option A. If you think you'd best start off on a midi-heavy electronic note, continue to Option B. If you're still sleeping at this point, maybe pick up near Option K.
Note: For this piece do not click on the "next" and "previous" tabs at the bottom of each slide, only click on the linked options for it to work properly. Just like a Choose Your Own Adventure book that's paginated normally but must be flipped through to different sections, this story will only work if you follow the instructions. Happy adventuring!