• "Hoe Cakes"

    Song: "Hoe Cakes"
    Ingredients: Cornmeal, flour, sugar, baking powder, salt, corn oil, honey, butter, buttermilk, egg

    What, you really think I could pass on something called "hoe cakes"? I really am that immature, but also, the thing about MF DOOM is that none of his songs contain very direct food references (unlike Action Bronson), so we definitely couldn't pass up on these delectable pancakes. Yeah, sorry to disappoint. Hoe cakes are really just pancakes, and not a bunch of naked ladies on cake. I mean, yeah—I guess it could be that too. But no, I'm not going to "make" that, whatever that would entail.

    DOOM 10

    Also known as Johnnycakes, they're essentially cornmeal pancakes, and are popular in the southern states. The reasons as to why they are better than pancakes are as follows:

    1. Pancakes suck. They soak up all of your syrup, and end up becoming this mushy mess. It looks like shit. You're better than that.
    2. Waffles > pancakes.
    3. Hoe cakes are made out of cornmeal. Cornmeal makes things crunchy.

    DOOM 4

    Execution is simple: combine all of the ingredients—save the honey and butter, which will be used to top 'em hoes—and whisk until smooth. Heat your frying pan over medium-high heat with some butter. Once it's hot enough, take about 1/3 cup of batter (one serving per each hoe cake) and gently pour into the pan. You're going to be tempted to flip it, but don't act a fool: the longer you leave the hoe cake on the hot pan, the crispier its exterior—worth it. Once the edges brown and the batter bubbles, you're ready to flip. Leave the hoe cake on the pan for the same amount of time, adding more butter to the pan when needed (butter burns, guys, so don't set off your fire alarm like I so gracefully did... three times in a row). Stack that shit mile-high on plate, and top with a slab of butter and some honey.

    Now you have your brunch staple. It's substantially more forgiving than pancakes, especially when you flip (nothing is worse than flipping a pancake, only to break it up completely into little awkward cooked and raw bits—nah, fuck that noise). So gather your friends, invite them over for Sunday brunch, and throw some DOOM on. He would approve.