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     From: Oprah  Subject: What a week!

    Hey Kan, how you doing? Boy, today was a rough one. Sometimes I get so fed up with all this celebrity mularky that I want to scream! Thank God I have you to vent to every week in this secret, multilayered friendship that the public doesn't know about.

    How great is our friendship though? I live vicariously through your ability to disregard all celebrity norms and speak your true mind, and you get advice about how to handle your fame and power from me, the most powerful human alive.

    Anyways, ugh! This week! Sometimes I want to hit those paps in their pathetic, parasitic little faces, but I don't because I know I can watch you do it and get the same satisfaction.

    But hey, I'll be honest I'm a little twisted right now. I'm in Honolulu blowing loud with Stedman. Speaking of Stedman, how lucky is he? Just look at my Instagram account. It's littered with pictures of Stedman and I climbing mountains, riding ATVs, and attending A-list events. He's been with me for like 30 years, didn't have to marry me, and he still gets in on this O money.

    Can't wait to hear about Armenia! Talk soon!

    - OVOXOPRAH