When you start calling yourself “a nightperson,” things can get out of control quickly. You start to accept that staying up late is just a part of who you are and once you’re okay with this, you tend to push it to the limit. Eventually there will be a period of time between two and eight in the morning when you feel most alive, and you will start to build the rest of your life around this. You will start cramming socially unacceptable 30-minute naps into your schedule, living in short increments broken up by glitches and pauses.

There are highs and lows to living like this, but the most complicated part is when you find yourself awake at six in the morning, half asleep but euphorically calm. It’s not exactly a “good” feeling—there’s something toxic about it, but it’s powerful. It feels like you’re somehow in the future, flushed by the nostalgia of a bittersweet moment that didn’t seem important at the time, but was.

As you watch the digital clock take shapes that you don’t normally see, you’ll start interpreting things differently. Your judgment is a little off, but times of poor judgment are sometimes when the best decisions are made.