Image via Billboard

Image via Billboard

After listening to Father John Misty’s latest album I Love You, Honeybear, you would think he would be a poet with love, but it turns out he’s the complete opposite. For Time Out‘s cover story, John was asked to answer some relationship questions from people in need of advice and he proceeded to give the worst answers we’ve ever heard. It’s actually quite funny what he said.

When asked how to reply to an ex they’re not yet over, Misty said, “Text back, ‘How ’bout a quick relationship? I’ve only got time this week for a relationship. I can’t squeeze in coffee.'” His advice for getting out of an awful first date was even better. He told the person, “Ask them for a second date within the first five minutes and refuse to drop it. Keep bringing up the second date: what you’re going to do, what time you guys should meet, what kind of apparel is appropriate…for the entire duration of the date. Then watch them run away screaming.”

He seriously needs his own weekly love column.

Read what he had to say about being called a different name during sex, flirting with a friend’s ex, and etiquette on splitting a check over at Time Out.